Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Leafblower Busts a Move; Pre-teen Retards Get Their Shit Ruined...

If ever in our stories you hear us speak of "The Trip", we're referring to the summer vacation the three of us took to New Orleans, Mexico, Mississippi and some southern fucking back-water, tobacco chewing part of Louisiana where we did a swamp tour. This particular story takes place on the cruise ship. Now, Carnival Cruise Lines are very accommodating to their patrons, they hold Limbo tournaments, a 24/7 food court, an arcade, and even this marginally-cool disco. Now, from reading the schedule list of upcoming events that was placed in our room each morning by Wayne, (Who was the shit by the way), we learned of the disco. We were tossing around the idea of going, knowing full well it would be absolutely permeated with 12 year old retards and tons of fucking washed-out, overplayed rap music. "Well, fuck it lets go anyways", we said. So, we suit up in our pimp-gear and stroll down to the disco. What did we see? Pre-teens, and lots of ‘em. There was this little group of preenie sluts dancing for all to see. You know the kind, scantily clad little cretins *freak-dancing*. Leafblower, Arrhythmia, and I were laughing at this. There were some girls close to our age in there. These girls, none of us, (and when I say none of us, I mean Arrhythmia and I, Leaf would have banged the fuck out of them) would have touched with a 10 foot pole. I think they had the clap, because there was this smell in the air that wasn't refreshing.

Anyway, we sit down on some of the couches they have set up towards the front of the establishment, away from the dance floor. That particular night didn't look like it was going to get interesting. As the minutes go by, the place starts filling up with marginally good-looking girls, and their douche-bag boyfriends, the whole she-bang. Arrhythmia and I start daring Leaf to go out and start dancing with some of the girlies. Now, if you've read the "First Official Story" then you know what we dealt with trying to get Leaf to get out there and shake his ass. Finally, he agrees to dance the dance of the Leafblower. As we watch, he walks out there, kind of shy like, he then proceeds to "get with it". Leaf, in all actuality, can cut a fucking rug. After dancing for a few minutes, it no longer holds Leaf's attention. He comes over and sits back down. So, there we are, sitting again, breathing the Diseased Vaginal cigarette-smoke air when we notice a group of children sitting on the couches caddy-corner to our own. The males in the group had slim-shady type apparel on, and I would assume, fashioned themselves bad-asses due to the cocky scowl they sported on their fucked up mugs and the Marlboro reds hanging from their mouths that they stole from their dads. The girls were none the better, run-of-the-mill little sluts... I blame their parents. Anyway, they were passing around an oddly shaped bottle filled with blue liquid, sipping on it. This puzzled me, because usually alcoholic beverages come in glass bottles, and do not say “Scope Mouth-Rinse” on them. Our conversation went something like this...

Diljner “What the hell do they think they're doing?”
Leaf “Is that fucking mouth wash?” [Does funny fucking chuckle laugh]
Arrhythmia “Hahahahaha ...God damn tards.”
Diljner “We should get a security guard or some shit ...These little fucks can't be downing Scope in here.”

[Mutual agreement]


Well, it turns out these little shits had made some enemies prior to our encounter with them. These "friends" of theirs had already alerted Cruise Security. In comes the biggest African I've ever seen. He grabs one of the would-be ‘Eminems’ by the arms and yanks their punk asses out of the seat. We were laughing so fucking hard. The guard makes it a point to make sure everybody knows what’s going on. Everybody's attention is on this little rag-tag group of future fuck-offs. Needless to say ...the big black guy wiped the fucking smug look off of their faces. I though they were going to cry. Anyway, he confiscates their "Alcohol" and takes them all out of the disco and to an undisclosed area of the ship. We left the disco feeling our night was complete. We then went to the "Lido Deck" and ate some pizza and fries and called it a night.

In hind-sight... the night was perfect, Leaf busted a move... and the pre-teen retards got their shit ruined by the giant African, and the food was exceptional.

[Side note: Look forward to my next entry titled ...."The Hot-tub Incident", in which I will collaborate with Arrhythmia…]

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