Saturday, October 30, 2004

The Day A Bunch of Shit Happened [Part 1]

[*WARNING... This post will display dialogue that may offend 'some' races... Who am I kidding? Black people.This post may offend Black People. Unless you are a black person with a sense of humor... In which case you will find this post mildly amusing.]

This little tale is from about three days ago. Leafblower, Arrhythmia and I decide to take a day from our busy schedules and just hang out like we used to. You know, before we had RESPONSIBILITY. Anyways, CompulsiveLiar somehow learns of our plans and convinces Arrhythmia to let him go with us. Well, although Liar may be a lying little douche, he still makes for some good stories. I am going to document our day as it happened. Here we go.

1:00 pm
Arrhythmia comes to my house with Liar and picks me up. We then proceed to the Leaf Meister's house. The whole wayto Leaf's house Liar is already acting squirly as fuck. He informs us that he's carrying $100. At this point I'm thinking "Oh shit, I'm going to have to baby-sit this irresponsible little bastard and make damned sure he doesn't give his money away to random strangers. If he's handing out money WE'D better be the ones getting our hands on it. [Aren't I charming?]

We pick up Leaf and decide to go to the Valley Plaza [Mall] to play some King of Fighters. While strolling over to the arcade, we walkby this plus sized Goth-store. This is literally a store specifically for fat goth chicks. Although the three of has have passed this store billions of times, it never fails to make us giggle. We decide that we are hungry and head to the food court before we hit the arcade. We all order our food and sit down at a nice table, with nice temperatures and pleasant company. What could go wrong. Let me start this segment by saying that the pizza I ordered was very greasy. My Sbarro was dripping with grease. Half way into whatever conversation we were having, I look up to a banner hanging from the ceiling. [My face goes blank] I'm just staring at the banner with wide eyes. Arrhythmia and Leaf notice my odd behavior and ask me what the fuck I'm staring at. I say, "Dudes, thats a fucking Kotex sign... In the food court..." On the banner was a picture of a female's bloated abdomen, and underneath were the words... "Kotex fits, period." At this point, I have RED pizza grease running down my chin and we're all pretty grossed out. Needless to say, we lost our appetites. We decide to put away memories of leaky female cotton stopper advertisements and hit the arcade. We arrive at the arcade and Leaf promptly challenges me to a friendly game of Ridge-Racer."Ok, Dick!", I reply. So we're off, first I'm winning, then he's winning. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Then 3 minutes into the match we get bored and leave the Ridge-Racer machines.

King of Fighters ACTION! w00t! Arrhythmia raped us, as usual. We still had fun though. Right smack in the middle of our KoF happy-fun-time, Arrhythmia gets a gentle tug on his sleeve. It's Liar, asking Arrhythmia to go to the Van's store with him to get a belt. Arrhythmia is in a fervent KoF match with Leaf and is not really paying attention to Liar's plea's. Absent mindedly, he tells Liar to ask me to go with him. Thanks much, Arrhythmia, you Dick. Anyway, he approaches me and I pretend not to notice. I look upon Leaf and Arrhythmia's match with mock interest. Finally he pokes me hard enough to break my "Concentration" and says, "Hey, Diljner, come to the Van's store with me. I don't want to go alone." I should mention that Liar is 15 years old. "Dude, your what, like fifteen years old? You can't go alone?", I reply. He kept fucking begging me until finally I caved in and growled a mighty "FUCK!". Here we go. I walk with him to get his stupid belt.

Liar and I enter the Van's store and make our way to the belts. This hippy douche-bag behind the counter kept looking at me funny. Anyways, Liar peruses through the belts, singing softly to himself. [What a twat]. Then he asks the Hippy-douche how much a particular belt cost that he liked. Upon recieving his answer, Liar puts the belt back and says that he can get it for much cheaper somewhere else. Needless to say, at this point I'm pretty pissed off. Liar can tell. We walk back to the arcade and game on for another half hour. What a waste of my precious time.

After getting our fill of KoF goodness, we decide it's time to go to the costume shop to get some idea's for our costumes. Liar informs Arrhythmia that he has a psychiatrist appointment that he simply must attend... right at that moment. Well, we're off to the psychiatrist's office. Liar asks that we please wait for him to get finished. Being that his mother would be at the appointment, Liar did not want to have to go home with her. He informed us that if we stayed, we would get to play... get this... Halo 2. Fucking Halo 2.What does this kid fucking take us for? We know that the Halo 2 release date is more than two months off. So, going on the assumption that Leaf, Arrhythmia and I have the IQ of a fucking Koala bear, Liar continues to assault us with his lies. The 3 of us already know he's full of shit, but we go anyways.

We arrive at the psychiatrist's office and the first thing out of Arrhythmia's mouth is...
Arrhythmia "Where the hell is Halo 2?"
Diljner "This kid told us you have Halo 2"
Seceratary "Umm, no we don't have Halo 2 here, sorry"
Liar "Yes you do"
Seceratary "I'm sorry? No, no we don't"
Liar "Yes you do, I've played it here"
Seceratary [Blank stares at the 4 of us]

Needless to say, we got the flying fuck out of that awkward situation. We went to Best Buy, it was kind of nice to get away from Liar for a bit. He was annoying the fuck out of us. We sat down, and played 'Console games'. Leaf is something of a console gamer but touching a game-pad is like blasphemy to Arrhythmia and me. But we had nothing else to do so we played away. Leaf, thinking he was a badass 'Console gamer' decides to challenge Arrhythmia to a game of some X-box basketball game. Arrhythmia agrees, although he doesn't play console games... or sports games for that matter. Arrhythmia fucking raped Leaf without lubricant. It was I who first made the observation that the 'Console Gamer' got his shit ruined by the 'PC gamer'. [Good times] Leaf was all butt-hurt but he got over it.

Time to go pick up liar. We were reluctant to go pick him up. We were half contemplating just leaving him there. But that would be fucked up... and we're only fucked up about 75% of the time. So we head back to the psychiatrist's office to get his lying ass. He's outside of the office waiting for us. He asks that we go in and meet his psychiatrist. We're like, what? We're not stupid, we know that this douche is in fact screening us [His friends] to see if we're contributing to Liar's problem. But, we were promised candy so we agreed to meet the guy. We walk in and he comes out of his office witha plastic forced ass smile. Here's the conversation...
Leaf "Wheres the candy?"
Diljner "Yeah, he promised us candy"
[We'll call the psychiatrist Dr. Dick]
Dr. Dick [Blank stare with his mouth half open]
Dr. Dick "Anyways, what are your names?"
Diljner "I'm Dil-"
[Liar busts through our conversation]
Liar "Thats [Diljner], [Arrhythmia], and [Leafblower].

This guy was eyeballing us hardcore. Truthfully it was kinda pissing me off. Well finally we got out of there and finally started to head to the costume store.

[It seems that this post is going to be very long, so I'm going to break it into two parts... I know, I know. I promised that black people would be offended by this post. But, sadly most of the offensive dialogue is in part 2. So, your just goingto have to wait until tomorrow.... Niggers.]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahahaha...You're oh so charming. Famale problem stoppers made you lose you apetite. Thats how girls make guys get grossed out. Who the fuck would put that in the food court? Damn you...I have to wait til tomorrow for the next part. I HATE YOU. Not.


10:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude hahahaha your antics never cease to amuse me! keep up the great work kiddos!!!! i want a t-shirt bitches!
PS: don't go hatin' on kotex... i swear they've saved my life (not really) but you guys wear condems while we umm ya you know... enough on that subject... adios

1:15 AM  
Blogger Last_Serenade said...

wow, what a fun day for you are nicer than I, I would have just left the lil' fucker there...haha ~J

3:00 PM  

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