Monday, November 01, 2004

The Day a Bunch of Shit Happened [Part Deux]

Ah, hello again children. Where did we leave off? Oh yes! We had just finished being screened by Liar’s psychiatrist and were now on our way to the costume store. We arrive at the shopping center where the costume shop is. We see two homeless people hitting up countless vehicles for cash. We lose sight of them and proceed to park. Right as we park, out of nowhere come the two bums. Now, before I go into this any further… Let me explain to you Liar’s little predisposition to randomly give out large amounts of money he may be carrying to people he doesn’t even know. Its part of his condition I guess. The kid’s fucking screwed up. Anyways, the homeless people approach Arrhythmia’s truck. Here’s the conversation…

Diljner “Fuck! They have us surrounded!
Arrhythmia “What are we going to do?”
Diljner “Fuck this! I’m gonna get out and say something!”
[Opens car door]
Bum #1 “Sir, could you spare a bit of change?”
Diljner “Oh… Sorry man, I’m all tapped out… see that guy in the truck [Arrhythmia] I’m sure he can help you out.
Arrhythmia “Dude, [Diljner], what the hell? You're an asshole..."[forks out a dollar]
Diljner “Every man for himself!”
[I know, I know… I’m a dick]

The bums offer to wash Arrhythmia’s windows for some money. So, Leaf generously offers them money to do so. After handing them like $2, the bums start to head over to wash his windows. Arrhythmia screams, “NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Don’t touch my windows!!!” Needless to say they backed the fuck off. At this point I’m laughing my ass off. So the bums make off with Leaf’s money and they did no work for it. He was pretty pissed off. These two bums were unusually fucking happy for somebody in there position after we gave them like 3 bucks all together. They were all smiles and shit. They run off giggling amongst themselves. We enter the costume store. We go to the back of the shop where the masks are located. The kid working there looked to be about 12 years of age. As we look at the masks, Liar looks at me and Leaf and decides to give us both $20. Leaf’s face lights up but I take the 20 away from him and give Liar the $40 back. Again, the kid’s sick. The guy working there goes, “Hey, let him hand out free money if he wants to.” I gave that fucker a look that could kill. He got all quiet and fidgety after that… what a puss. None of us found anything this trip. So, we decided to just take off. Liar suddenly exclaims, “Oh shit, I gave those bums a fucking $20 bill!”

Leaf, Arrhythmia, Diljner [Simultaneous UGH!]

Well, we finally found out why these bums were so fucking euphoric. The little dick acts like we’re supposed to help his little punk ass out of his predicament. Since we knew that he gave them the money on purpose, we made the little shit go over and try to get his money back alone. We were making wagers as to whether or not Liar would return with his anal virginity intact. He comes walking back, sure enough with his $20. What an awkward situation. Well, we’re now in the truck beginning to pull out when Liar has another exclamation… “Dudes, I gotta call this hot girl, she’s hot… hott!” Well, we decided that if she was in fact, a hotty… that Liar must indeed call her. He wanted Arrhythmia to go pick her up from her house. Liar calls the girl up. He’s chatting to her, and I’m beginning to question if this girl is but a fictional character in Liar’s fucked up little world… So I ask to talk to her. Well, sure enough, she was real. And apparently she was really into Liar. Something had to be wrong, I thought, but Liar assured us that she was indeed hot and that he had to see her today. He then offered Arrhythmia $20 to pick her up, but he was beginning to decline when Leaf and I say, "no dude, take it! It's gas money...". Needless to say, he eventually accepted. Before we started to go, Liar asked Arrhythmia if we could drive her around and he told him that she wouldn't fit. Well, Liar handed Arrhythmia 20 more dollars and said, "make her fit..." Arrhythmia exclaimed, "She'll fit." We get the directions from her and off we go. She gave Liar some shitty ass directions too. It took us like 45 fucking minutes to find her house. Well we found her house, and her. Boy, did we find her. This chick was so fucking beat, I cannot begin to describe it. Like, imagine a fetus… well, take that fetus and super-size it… and put some fucked up hair on it, there she is! Well, we tell Liar to get in the car and we just drive off. Needless to say Liar was pissed and we were laughing our asses off. Well, the day pretty much dwindled down from there. We went to Arrhythmia’s house and Liar’s mom came and picked his ass up. Thank god. Leaf and I went and bought some Take-n-bake pizza and we all watched the world series. All in all it was one of the most interesting days we’ve had in a while.

*Why I said black people would be offended by this post… [Diljner’s little side story]


We were leaving from the mall, we drove by this Jack in the Box that was currently being renovated. Here’s Leaf’s little comment about the JITB.

Leaf “Dude, I hope that when they rebuild that Jack in the Box, they put up a sign that says ‘NO NIGGARS!’ They’ll never get the smell out from last one!”

Me and Arrhythmia are tripping off of his comment. He then says, “What? You fucks were thinking it too.”


*The editors of Leafblower blog are not racist… nor is Leafblower himself. We hate everybody the same. If you feel that you have not been hated upon equally by us, send us an email and we will do our best to ruin your shit to your satisfaction. Thank you… [The Leafblower Staff.]

5 Comments:

Blogger Last_Serenade said...

liar has issues...

6:19 AM  
Blogger Arrhythmia said...

Shut up NIGGARS :D

I say that wayy too much for my own good.....oh well, in the words of Dave Chapelle, "'Cause she was a niggar lover!!!"

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the fuck hands out money? Geez kid, give me some money. lol...just kidding. Yet again, another hilarious post.

Always,
Brisa

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think you need to introduce me to this liar fellow... heh i'm broke and he has potenttial... not really but oh wellz... mk... what do the five fingers say to the face?!

11:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

umm that last post was mehhh! aka lindsay aka masta

5:22 PM  

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