Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Diljner Pisses Off Net-Nerd

Does anybody else ever get a shitload of stupid ass emails from so-called foreigners asking you to help them transfer a SHITLOAD of money from their *ahem* Swiss bank account due to some bullshit yadda-yadda? Well I get these on a regular basis on my Yahoo! account. They used to piss me off, but lately I've become somewhat sympathetic to these schmucks that actually sit around and write them. Here is an example of me being a good samaritan and trying to help some lowly fucking nerd get out get social and stop writing stupid fucking Bullshit email letters to me and everyone else.
His bogus fucking stupid chock-full of grammatical errors email to me...

PRIVATE AND URGENT.My name is MARTIN DARIUS, I am the credit manager in a bankhere in the United Kingdom. I am contacting you of a business transfer,of a huge sum of money from a deceased account. Though I know that atransaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive andworried, but I am assuring you that everything has been taken care off, andall will be well at the end of the day. I decided to contact you due tothe urgency of this transaction.PROPOSITION;I am the account officer of a foreigner named Gerald Welshwho died in an air crash along with his wife in 31st October 1999 anEgyptian airline 990 with other passengers on board. you can confirmthis from the website below from published by CNN.WEBSITE Since his death, none of his next-of-kin are alive to makeclaims for this money as his heir, because they all died in the sameaccident(May his soul rest in peace). We cannot release the fund fromhis account unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to thedeceased as indicated in our banking guidelines. Upon this discovery, Inow seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to thedeceased, as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me forthe funds (US$5,000,000.00) to be released in your favour as thebeneficiary's next of kin. It may interest you to know that we havesecured from the probate an order of mandamus to locate any of the deceased beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this messagein acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishingme with the following information if you are interested.1. A Beneficiary name?.In order for me to prepare thedocument for transfer of the funds in your name. 2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers??.For our personalcontact and mutual trust in each other. Upon your acceptance I shallsend you a copy of my international passport and drivers license formore confidentiality and trust.I shall be compensating you with a million dollars($1Million dollars) on final conclusion of this project for your assistance,while the balance $4 million dollars shall be for me for investmentpurposes. If this proposal is acceptable by you, please endeavor tocontact me immediately. Do not take undue advantage of the trust Ihave bestowed in you.I await your urgent mail to my personal email address: martindarius@jumpy.it for security reasonsBest Regards,MR. MARTIN DARIUS

Yeah, I was thinking it too when I read this shit... Anywho... to which I replied...


Do you guys that sit around and write this shit up all day get paid for it? And for that matter, do you ever get laid? I mean... if I were a girl.. and a guy told me that he wrote bogus emails all day and thats how he pays the bills this pussy would be off-limits... know what I'm saying? I suggest, that you quit playing with your mouse and hit the local bar maybe? Seriously, I know your sex life is suffering. Another thing, if you do insist upon writing bogus emails all day, please do not send them to this email adress, you will probably get a response just like this one next time. So save your time... and your peter... go get laid... may the force be with you. -Diljner

To which he replied back.....

Fuck you.

Get a life folks... stop hogging my inbox with your filthy fake emails... they're making me soft.


Blogger mexicanablanca said...

haha maybe next time i should try that because i get a lot of that crap... i applaud this post...
it's been a while and it's actually funny

that is all

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. Sarcasm : Full Throttle here..

I get a crapload of spam, but not about that kinda stuff. I get the kind for penis enlargements and win a free Ipod if I fill out this form, then more penis pills.

I don't even know how they get my email... :-|

11:05 AM  

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