Monday, September 27, 2004

Mr. Grasshopper

In the last post, Diljner described Leafblower's painful encounter with the wall at our hotel room. Well, I have a different story that has pretty much to do with the same thing as before...


Now, me, Diljner, and Leafblower had come with my parents on a cruise a few weeks into June as a sort of Senior Trip. After our little escapade on the ship, we all visited my sister and brother-in-law at the Boluxi, Mississippi, US Air Force base. The guys decided to stay the night at my sister's house the first night while my parents stayed at some on-site motel. After being awaken by my nephew the following day, we all decided that we would sleep in the room opposite of my parents the next night.

We all had a good night sleep, staying up till about 3 a.m. seeing as we were all excited about going home the next day. The next morning, we all got up, packed our shit, and took it out to our rent-a-car, which wasn't a car at all, but rather a bulky ass SUV. As we are packing our shit in the trunk, when I notice a noise, sort of like that of a cricket. The boys and I find the bug not two seconds later and Leaf decides to try to capture the sucker, despite it being a bug. I thought this odd so I decided to ask him what was up ...

Me "Dude, I thought you were afraid of bugs, why are you trying to catch it?"
Leaf "Oh, it's a cricket. If I just try to catch it, it doesn't bug me."

I had thought this to be odd, so I look at the bug and concluded that it was, in fact, not a cricket, but a grasshopper. Me, thinking nothing of it, decide to tell Leaf of his misjudgement of the type of bug it was.

Me "Um ....Leaf, that's not a cricket, thats a grasshopper..."
Leaf "What?!" [Leaf backs away from the trunk of the SUV, then starts to do some wierd ass chuckle]
Me "What's the big deal? It's just a grasshopper ...hell, you even tried to grab it when you thought it was a cricket."
Leaf [A little freaked out] "A GRASSHOPPER IS NOT THE SAME AS A CRICKET!!"
Me [Creates a puzzled look, then forwards attention to Diljner for his response]
Leaf "Yea, grasshoppers are more green and all slick."

After this, I try to capture the tiny invader and it jumps onto the back window. Leaf and Diljner are just sorta standing there and I decide to go to the outside of the window and flick right where the grasshopper is. *flick* The hopper flies from its position and lands right on Leaf's left shoulder.

Leaf [Screams like a ten year old girl, literally like a ten year old girl with an extremely shrill voice]
Diljner & Me [Stare for a second and bust our nuts laughing]

As soon as Leaf screamed, he knocked the hopper off and it falls on the ground and he pummels it into oblivion; fucking oblivion. Imagine this, bugs have exoskeletons, eyes, legs, feelers, guts, and all sorts of other assorted goodies. Well the scene of it was this: the grasshopper was a neonish green, well the blob on the ground was that color, but nothing else resembled a fuckin' grasshopper. Excuse me while I say "what the fuck?" I mean, there was no sign of the previously mentioned items. No scrunchy exoskeleton, no legs, not even fucking guts. It was like a chunky, thick, green blob of goo.

Way to go Leaf, you decimated a fuckin 3 centimeter insect. Feel proud, feel really proud.

As an extra goody:
This one is short. Leaf and I were in my truck, turning at the White Lane/Old River intersection. As we were waiting for the light to turn green, a moth flew into my truck, seeing as we keep our windows down all the time. It flutters around and I hear Leaf grunt a little bit. When I look over, Leaf is swatting at the air and going "Uhhh. Ughhghghhhhhh. Uh!". Then I see the moth and he's freakin' out in his usual manner. Then it flies by me and he swats and fuckin' hits me in the head right as the light turns green. This isn't just a hit, its a fuckin' SLAP! I then try to knock the little bastard out the door and finally do it successfully shortly after my first attempt, unlike my uncoordinated friend. When asking him why he was freaking out over a moth, (because this was the first time I saw him react to a bug like that), he said:

Leaf "Cause it has all that powdery stuff on it!!!"



Blogger Last_Serenade said... got slapped....

this is some funny shit man....funny shit....

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yo.....i agree you got slaped over a bug lol....any ways i still wanna hang bugs in his room just to complet that oildale image lol....jk.. any ways funny crap

10:41 PM  

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