Thursday, November 11, 2004

Liar: The Queerboy

Okay, I have to start off by telling you the set up to this conversation. Diljner and I had yet again taken the liberty to take CompulsiveLiar out of his gloomy home and into my truck to show him the beauties of Bakersfield [now there's an oxymoron]. Anyway, this whole thing started when Liar wanted us to pick up some beat girl [refer to 'The Day A Lot of Shit Happened: Parts 1 & 2' to get her description] so he could have relations with her; that's fucking gross... Not the act, but those two together, it's like two hogs fucking in mud. Anyway, Liar offered me $600 dollars to do this for him, so I had to call up the Dilj-meister to get his input on the situation. He straight up said "don't do it dude" and I knew I shouldn't, but he could also sense the urgency in my voice as I told him. Six hundred dollars is a lot of money and I'm not doing too well financially, so, this was either a Godsend, or a curse. After denying his first offer, Liar then offered a grand, a mother fucking grand...

Oh Jesus, what do I do...

De-fuckin'-nied! I couldn't do that to him and have that on my conscience the whole time, not that I would feel bad about taking his money, but if his mother found out or worse, if someone knew Diljner and I were aiding a minor into having sex, well, in our terms: "We see cops written all over this..."

Well, the rest of the day goes pretty much without a problem, Liar sustained his continuously annoying ways, but we ignore him, learning to do this after our first major encounter with him. He also kept asking us to pick up the beat chick from her school so he could fuck her in the bathroom, '007 style'. Bullshit, he wouldn't have time, especially at his psychiatrist appointment. No matter our our answer, he kept telling us that he could do it and that it would be great. Unless he claimed to have cronic constipation, he wouldn't have a reason to be in the bathroom that long... We also knew his judgement was clouded when he told us we couldn't get in trouble as adult because we aren't adults. According to him, you aren't an adult till you turned 21....idiot....

We were all tired of his bullshit by the time we had to take him to his appointment and we were still struggling with the 'pick the chick up' BS, so we just sorta became deaf to his rants, until I come up with defining question:

Me "How many relationships have you been in?"
Diljner "...Sexual relationships, buddy..."
Liar "Well, like sexually, like...five, relationship wise."
Diljner "BULLSHIT!!"
Liars [Mutters name Seth]
Me [Laughs uncontrollably]
Diljner "Who are we asking now?" [Chuckles]
Liar "I'm trying to remember...what's his name..."
Diljner "HIS name? Whadyou just say, Seth?"
Liar "Yeah."
Diljner "It's a guy?"
Liar "Yeah."
Diljner "You were in a sexual relationship with a guy?!"
Liar "NO!"
Me "Ughhh..." [Laughs]
Diljner "Oh dude, you were trippin' me out there for a minute..."
Me "[Liar]'s going to get his balls sucked by some dude..."
Diljner "Hahaha, ewwwww..."

And here is the one of the defining moments...

Liar "I only did that once..."
Diljner and Me "WHATTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!"
Liar "I'm kidding."
Diljner "Whoa dude, no no no no no, [Liar] just admitted himself to having his balls sucked by a"
Me "....named SETH."
Diljner "...named Seth. He said only once though." [Laughs] "Makith that what you will, I, I mean, I don't know what to do with it..."
Me "We don't know what to do with [Liar] period."
Me "Full nude?"
Liar "Full moon!"
Diljner "He got his balls sucked full nude on a Saturday night."
Liar "I said 'full moon', 'full moon' man... 'Full moon.'"
Diljner "Okay...."
Me "You got your balls sucked on yo......"
Liar "Kidding..."
Me "Then why do you keep emphasising that?"
Liar "I don't know... Well, that, kinda...did..."
Me "Do you even know how to joke with that?"

Then something that disturbed Diljner and me both...

Liar [Starts talking, I soon cut him off]
Me "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait....weren't you the one that said you were watching a porn, one day, and the guy was trying to eat his own cum and he was going AHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGRRRRRHHHH!!!
Liar "Yeah."
Me "Yeah, why were you watching that?"
Diljner "Yeah, I'd like to hear this too, so..."
Liar "I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DO..." [Laughs]
Diljner "No no no no..."
Me "I thought you said you were with a female cousin though, you're changing your story?"
Diljner "Eat a fucking peanut butter sandwich dude, don't sit there watching some dude trying to suck himself off, that's disgusting..."
Me " his own....cum?"
Diljner "Whatever."
Liar "He got it though."
Me "Gah... [Liar chuckles] Oh, what?! You watched it that far?!
Diljner "Wow dude, you must have watched it for like... 10 minutes, I mean, 11 minutes..."
Me "Gahhhh...." [Shivers]
Liar "It's fifteen..."
Me "Damn!"
Diljner "It's fifteen minutes?"
Me "Oh my God! What is wrong with you dude?"
Diljner "[Liar], are you gay?"
Me "Partially..."
Liar "On a full moon." [While laughing]
Diljner "Oh God..."
Liar "I'm kidding..."
Diljner "Are you, heh?"
Liar "Yeah!"
Diljner "Wow dude...not..." [He just stops, completely speechless]

I am so thrown off by this that I am sort of driving a tad off...

Me "If I wreck, please, please don't blame me."
Diljner and Liar [Laugh]
Me "Please..."

Did you notice how many times he said he was kidding in that conversation? That just proved to me and Diljner that something was up and that he was, in fact, not kidding. Wow, that was distrubing and surprising hilarious. I never would have thought that this conversation would ever come up between me, Diljner, and Liar. I hope to God it's the last time......shit....


Blogger BloodDrain said...

Hahaha...what a dumbass. He admitted to being a flaggot without even meaning to do so. He's retarded...but so am I...;-)

7:37 PM  
Blogger Last_Serenade said...

liar has some SERIOUS issues....kidding....haha ~J

1:32 AM  
Blogger Last_Serenade said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:32 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home