Saturday, October 09, 2004

Please God Hit Me! Hit Me! Hit Me! Hit Me...

Alright, this story dates back to the time prior to "The Trip". I would have to say it was a good two months before it happend, say April. Now, being as it may, Leafblower and I were both still in High School, and we weren't much different then than we pretty much are now, except we now kick ass in college.

So, one day, Leaf and I decide to go to the mall. This was a normal visit because I always got out of school at noon everyday from school and usually coaxed Leaf to ditch English and come with me to the mall or wherever else we found suitable. Okay, jumping back to topic, we had ventured ourselves to the arcade, as usual, and played some King of Fighters 2001 [they had other kickass games like SNK vs. Capcom Chaos, but we love KOF too much]. So we play, and I don't particularly remember, but usually we ran into the random 'gamer' guy, who is usually some mexican/asian/middle eastern guy who has absolutely no life and decides to ruin our shit via KOF.

We ran into our usual frenzy of punching the screen or hitting the controls as hard as we could [by the way, don't ever do that to a game you love, sometimes it quits working...]. Doing these things only seemed to motivate the mexican/asian/middle eastern guy even more because he got to the 'douche bag' level of assholism and decides to pull no punches and destroy us mercilessly everytime we try to rematch. Let's just say we left pretty early that day.

As we are leavin' we start talking about our up and coming trip to Mexico for our senior trip. Leaf starts talking about the financial view of things [this was all before my mother decided to pay for his way]...

Leaf "I don't know how I'm going to get the money to pay for the trip..."
Me "Don't worry dude, we'll figure something out."
Leaf "..."
Me "I know, let's buy candy from the dollar store and then sell it around school for like a buck, because it only costs like fifty cents a bar at the store. We'll make a profit and you can make the trip."

We discuss the candy thing for a while...

Leaf "You know what, I should get hit by a car!"
Me [Incredible 'what the hell' look]
Leaf "Yea, that way I can sue the person who hit me and get enough money to go on the trip."

[Reminder - the trip was close to two months away, if he was hit, he may not have been able to recover in time....fuckin' douche bag]

Me "Dude, the trip is coming up soon, what if you don't recover?"
Leaf "I can go still go with injuries." [looks at me like I'm retarded, he's the one wanting to get hit by a fuckin' car]
Me "Hey, maybe it might work...[!]"

We walk out of the front entrance of the mall shortly after and are still chattin' it up about this whole 'let the car hit me' scheme. So as we cross the street and begin walking to my car, a beat ass black lady with a shitty car starts driving up. I swear, this lady beat as hell. Imagine seeing your most despised neighbor's cat, and as an act of hatred, beat the living hell out of it with a baseball bat. That is what her face looked like [more easily described as a 'crackwhore' face]. Anyway, this bitch isn't paying attention as we cross and as I notice her driving towards us, in fact not watching the road but something to her right, I stop and wait for her to pass. Leaf, on the other hand, doesn't notice shit and keeps walking.

Okay, you may ask "but Arrhythmia, why didn't you stop him?" I'll answer that question simply, I'm not his guardian and I figured he saw her; stupid me.

NO, he didn't get hit by the car. Just as he walked a step into the path of it, he saw her, tweaked out like a fuckin' crackhead and jumped back scared shitless.

Me "What the hell man! You could have got hit by her and got the money for the trip!"
Leaf "Did you see her, I wouldn't have been able to get anything from her."
Me "You would have been hit at the mall, you could have sued her and the mall dude."
Leaf "FUCK!"
Me [Confused look]
Leaf "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..."
Me [Look continues]

I assume that Leaf came to the realization that the mall could have paid enough to support him for the rest of his life. He's not a stupid guy, just sometimes he catches on a little slow. We then had this little conversation blabbing about regret and the many different senarios of being hit by the car, like going through the windshield or flying over it, etc., etc., etc.

In the end, none of our ideas panned out, my mother paid for it as an act of sheer kickassery. Love ya mom!

By the way, Diljner and I have had the idea to possibly make T-shirts pertaining to the site if we gather enough funds. If any of you wish to help be a part of this, we'll gladly walk you through the process.

By the way people, please comment. No one comments and I'd rather have praise or anger through the comments page, just post as anonymous and leave your name within the comment. Thank you!


Blogger Last_Serenade said...

What do you mean? i comment....see look...i'm doing it now...commenting....i fuckin' rock....

anywho, as usual, funny shit on this blog. And whats the thing w/ the t-shirts? walk me through the process :) heh

keep up the good work, i'm out!

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi hey hidey Ho!

That was funny...but sad. Anywho....let me know what I can do. k.


9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are such dumbfucks. Everything you say is fucking retarded. You're like some dumbass wannabe maddox exept with out any of his cleverness or ability to coherently put ideas together. Your stories are also very predictable. I hope no one buys into your dip shit t shirt idea. Who the hell would want a fucking shirt from a dumbass like you?! You suck at blogging... find something else to waste your miserable life with.

6:42 PM  

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