Saturday, November 20, 2004

The Day extrEMO and Ms. Sarcasm Ruin My Shit

Oh this story is bringing back painful memories, I don't know if I even want to tell it... Ah, what the hell, if it means embarrassing myself for the sake of humor, so be it. Oh yea, and I want to apologize for the laxativity [is that a word?] of my stories, meaning that they have been piss poor lately. To all of you faithful readers out there, I am truly sorry, but hey, what can you do? Exactly, nothing, now sit and read...

"Oh my God, what am I going to do?!" This is just one of the many questions I asked as I talked to myself last Monday, when I realized that my paper was due in two days and I had no clue how to write any part of it. It would not have been so bad if I didn't have to write on such a difficult topic, which was "the history of school prayer and why I am for it." [Side note: this is for Ms. Sarcasm, don't say a damn thing, I already know what you did for me, you don't need to explain to everyone else, thank you]. By the time I came to Ms. Sarcasm's house, I was already a nervous wreck, really edgy, a little tweakish, but the worst thing of it was that I temporarily lost my intelligence. By this I mean I couldn't really make competent sentence structures, my word placement was abysmal, and I couldn't come up with a good comeback to anything if I put my life on it. We later realized the reason for these actions was because I had two bowls of cereal earlier that day and I engulfed the bowl with sugar. Sugar + me + nervousness = disaster a la Arrhythmia.

Well, we got to it, I was still very edgy while Ms. Sarcasm worked her magic and I couldn't keep my mind on any one particular thing. Maybe it was because extrEMO was there, haha, *looks around*, you decide. Anyway, we worked for around two hours and I was already like "fuck this bullshit, I hate school..." and wanted a serious release; sadly, this was not going to happen. Anyway, somewhere along the line, extrEMO gets up and heads to the couch. I get distracted, yet again, and go join her, and I laid next to her and I think I tried to tickle her, I'm not sure, but sure enough, something clicked in her that does in everyone.

extrEMO "Hey, are you ticklish?"
Me [Nervous look] Uh.....


Damnit, damnit, damnit, does everyone have to know I'm super ticklish? She then tries to tickle me, but I grabbed her wrist to try and stop the impending doom of me being tickled, but she said I was being a tad strong. WHAT?! I WASN'T BEING FORCEFUL, I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, I'M NOT STUPID... Well, as soon as I lighten up, *boom*, there goes the fuckin' game. It is no longer her trying to tickle me, it is me, on the ground, laughing like a mental patient, struggling, YES, struggling to get away. extrEMO is not even close to my weight or build, yet she had the upper hand in this battle. She is almost a full foot smaller than me and weights a considerable amount less than me, so there shouldn't have been a problem with me getting away....but noooooo, it was fucking hard. I was flailing about, doing the usual bit whenever someone tickles me, but it wasn't soon over.

Now, if I'm being tickled, I kick, hard, it's more of a defense mechanism than anything else *shrugs*. Well, I was kicking the fuck out of the air and clawing at the floor when this shit happened and extrEMO found it HILARIOUS. God, if she needed more reasons to tickle me, don't let one of them be extreme entertainment. So things are going pretty bad for me and what do you think happens? Ms. Sarcasm finds us in our little "let's abuse the fuck out of [Arrhythmia]" battle and decides it's her God given right to join in. Kill Oh shit, if this is going to happen, there might as well be a pack of rabid dogs that come in when the girls are done to finish my ass off because this was not happening. Anyway, so they're going at it like no other, I have been forced into guerrilla tactics, i.e. knocking the girls off balance, shoving them, etc. This, however, did not work for they found a great way to subdue my body's flailing nature, by straddling me. Most guys out there would think this would be the best fucking thing in the world, believe me, it depends on the situation fellas. extrEMO had my hips in between her legs, holding me for dear life and using her little fingers to poke and prod me; Ms. Sarcasm followed suit not long after. Then, if I wasn't in enough pain, the fuckin' shit hits the fan, I burn the fuck out of my arm on the carpet.

Me [While screaming] "Rug burn! Rug burn! Rug burn!"
Girls [Continue rampage]
Me "It burns! I have a rug burn, you can get off now!"
Girls [Continue rampage, either ignoring me or too busy assaulting me to hear]
Me [Laughs hysterically] "Please...."

By the time I finally get out of their death grips, I had already lost my wallet and my shoe. I ran into the next room breathing like I had just ran a marathon. Of course the girls were laughing their asses off and trying to coax me into coming back into the room., but I eventually went back in. Well, I assumed things were going to be okay because they said they were going to behave, so I got back on the couch and they were like hovering over me with wicked ass looks in their eyes and then….fuck…

Ms. Sarcasm “Mutiny!” [Begins to tickle me again with extrEMO]

After the brief attack, they started laughing at the fact that I was in a fetal position, praying to God that he would bring mercy upon my soul. Ugh…

The worst part of it was that I got rug burns all over my body. I have two scabs on my left knee, one on my right, and a bad fuckin' scab on my right elbow. Those fuckers remind me constantly that two she-devils beat my ass and I'm bigger than both of them. Times are sad in Arrhythmia's world. Let's just hope that this incident was a fluke.

PS [To Diljner only] That is four fucking posts bro, see I told you I'd do it. It's time for you step up and post another one because you are falling behind buddy boy.

Get to work Niggarachi!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. Sarcasm

You know you love me. ;-)

lol Me and Salina were talking about the "mutiny" afterwards and decided that had to be the best attack on you ever because you couldn't wiggle your way out! *insert echo of evil laughing here*

How dare you call my boyfriend Niggarachi, you... you...
I'll think of something.

12:05 PM  
Blogger BloodDrain said...

Awww...Dan. You poor soul. I'm ticklish too so I dont know if I'd tickle you. You'd probably come after me and hunt me down. lol.

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry dan, but it had to be done. i mean, never tell a person ur ticklish if its ur friggin weakness.

and dont act like u didnt like it... i could see it in ur eyes. hahah that nite was fun, we got much paper work done

4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mexicanablanca a.k.a.:yo masta

dude dan got punked by girls.... wtf? my god hell has frozen over... jk... dan gets punked by everybody! including dezzy... sowweyz dan about that... she's a bit vicious but hey she's my bodyguard... rawr

11:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a wuss, hehe. I hope you put plenty of bandaids on those rug burns! ouch... you should be happy that it was girls tickling you to death instead of guys!


11:59 AM  

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