Monday, November 22, 2004


Let me start off this section with a short story that happened to me today around 10 in the AM while coming back home from school. I stand by the fact that Mexicans are fucking horrible drivers and that they should fuckin' reconsider the laws leading up to them getting their license. Case in point: As I'm driving home on Rosedale Highway, I am in the fast lane, going a reasonable speed, flowing along with traffic and there doesn't seem to be a problem. Well Mr. I'mAFuckingAsshole decides to change lanes in front of me. This guy must have been using a halogen bulbs that emitted invisible fucking light because there was no way in hell I could see his fucking blinker. To top this shit off, I had to hit my brakes in order for him to merge because I didn't see the fucker come in until he almost clips my front end. I change lanes and pass him because he made it his fucking goal to make me go slower [yes, in the fast lane *sigh*] and as I pass, I see this gangsterish looking Mexican, you know, those poser-like ones, just chillin' in his fuckin' car with his wife or girlfriend or hoe. I couldn't tell you what she was. I grit my teeth and took it like a man, but fucking COME people wish to give me material on a daily basis by acting like an asshole? I assume so...

My God people, when will the madness stop? This is a continuation of my "Learn to Fucking Drive" rant because, personally, I see this shit way too much to be silent for any longer. I wasn't silent in the last one, but I didn't put an emphasis on how much old people fuckin' piss me off. I totally wasn't going to do this, but I had to after seeing the shit I saw today.

This morning, I ran a little early on time, and by that I mean that I didn't calculate traffic very well this morning and ended up getting to school half an hour early, giving me some unneeded reflection time that I brilliantly made up into "I need to get some gas" time. So, after driving by the gas station and seeing all the stations being taken up except for one, which was inexcessable because of some asshole and his big truck, I drove the long way back to school; I figured I had enough gas to drive the twelve miles back home. While on my way to school, I stop for a light and see a geriatric couple in a Lincoln or something pull out, followed by some other geezer in a Tacoma. Now, they were both in the same lane for about a minute, but as I follow, the guy in the Tacoma ended up passing the other car. Now, let me get this straight, you are driving SO slow that an old person like yourself fucking PASSES YOU. Does anyone else see a problem with this, or am I just freaking out for nothing? If you drive that fucking slow grandpa get off the fucking road.

When I saw that shit play out, I began laughing like an ass. I hadn't seen such an ironically funny thing like that in a long time. After going through lecture in school, I was driving home and encountered Mr. I'mAFuckingAsshole and continued my driving. Jesus, I thought I noticed this before, but there are a lot of fucking old people out on the road between mid-morning and early afternoon. I think this is because all the young "whipper-snappers" aren't on the road to ruin their shit and make their "daily drive" less fun, i.e. driving like the fucking maniacs we are. I'm sorry, but I do not enjoy driving by and looking at old people while passing all of them. Half of them were hunched over the wheel or plain out weren't even tall enough to see over them...*grasps forehead* man...

I know I set a lot of rules for things, but these seem almost necessary for anyones fucking sanity...

::This is all pertaining to old people::

1. If you can't see over the wheel, with or without your adult diaper, you don't deserve to drive

2. If you're hunched over in more than a 60 degree angle, you probably shouldn't drive

3. When you drive and you're mouth is hanging open the whole time and you can barely control the way it functions, you most definately don't have enough control of yourself to drive

4. Driving slow is not necessarily driving safely, in fact, you probably are more likely to cause more accidents. Solution: Don't get behind the fucking wheel

5. If you have no color in your hair, too fucking old...

6. Driving by brail[sp?], not a safe way to drive. Get off the road grandma!

7. If other fucking old people pass you, for God's sake, get away from a vehicle

8. If you own a pair of sunglasses that are bigger than half you're fucking face...then there is no way in hell that you should be able to drive

9. If you can't walk, yet can still drive, what makes you think that you can drive well, because, you can't...

Man oh man... Well, I love my grandparents and all, but I think a safe way to keep these people off the road would be to commit genocide...of old people though, not a race. In fact, they should make up a new name for that: Genericide. Geriatric people + mass killing = Genericide. It's that easy.

You know, you can all prevent this from happening by driving them yourself or locking them in their own house; I would choose the latter of the two. And remember, if you see an old person trying to drive, think of these pictures....

...and just say no...for the love of God, just say no...


Blogger BloodDrain said...

Oh my fucking god. Damn you Dan! You almost fucking killed me laughing, so you want to eliminate old people from driving, so do I but please dont kill me with stories like these. I shouldn't complain. Heck Whatever. I loved it! :-D Keep the stories up.

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that picture in black and white scares me I feel like hes offering me a ride then gonna murder me or something... haha, funny story though! I wish all drivers would go at least the speed limit, AT LEAST!!! GEESH... last night I was leaving from my brother's work (Nissan that is) and I was making a right on Wible road, passing the train tracks theres a street light, it was red, so Id figured the cars would slow down, wich they all did, except for one mother fuckin bitch. NO BLINKER or any signal on, that bitch started merging on the left lane while I was turning, keep in mind that she was in the right lane, she was really going fast, almost hit me, she swerved all around going on the wrong side of the road, then started honking and flipping me off and yelling curse words like if it was my fault! Geesh that pissed me off... so I flipped her off and shit but what more can I do hehe, I was actually dissapointed that she didn hit my truck cause she probably wouldve been dead by now! >=) my big 89 ford F-150 compare to a small ass old red honda or toyota, whatever that was, wich its still crappy.... heh


12:27 PM  
Blogger Ed Adkins said...

You know all those old people are just trying to ge to the country buffett. They should just hook up a monorail that goes by all their houses.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate this... RAWR!!!
its the second time it has happened on this site... i leave a comment... and then poof its gone... what's up with that? n e hootz i fear old people, crazy drivers, J. DUBBYAS, and child molestors... i bet you that guy in the B&W pic up there is all of the above

3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi it's Daneris I have to post anonymously because I don't have a blogger account,and thanks for the tip. It seems as if you had a pretty rough start to your day. Good thing you have this blog to rant at or else you'd be one of those cases of road rage gone horribly wrong. You'd be the next white bronco case !!

6:17 PM  
Blogger girlfiend said...

this sounds as bad as driving in the ghetto.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well.. now u cant bug me about posting a comment on here . anyways umm bad luck seems to follow u around or something. that or u have road rage. i think it might be the road rage... but anyways i commented and umm thanks for finally giving back my DVD. haha yeah i think u can tell who this is already .

7:26 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home