Friday, November 26, 2004

My Friends and I Think Hard

Alright, so yesterday went off without a hitch, I visited family in LA and we had a great time. I was surprised because there was no fighting or throwing of food. Exceptional. After spending many hours with my cousins, aunt, parents, and other people that had no significant impact in my life, I went home. Now, I wasn't allowed to drive to LA or back because my parents said ...well, that I just couldn't. No justification, no nothin', just "no". Sadness overflowed me, but I knew I had a way to deal with being in their presence the whole time in the car, so I grabbed a borrowed cd player and a book and read the whole time. Okay, I never read, that's how bad it usually is with them. I love um, but having conversations without fighting is rare, so I use my ultimatums a lot. Once I got home, I called around and found out where Diljner, Leafblower, and Ms. Sarcasm were. After arriving at there home some twenty minutes later [or so, Ms. Sarcasm lives far away], I was introduced with the idea of fishing. So, while Diljner and Sarcasm waited at her house, me and the Leaf went over to his house and got the goods, i.e. poles, bait, etc.

We came back and made a plan with Diljner to meet up at his house, but before that Leaf and I were to get weights, a net, and something else from my grandparents house. We stopped by a convienience store and bought two 2-liter bottles of Root Beer [mmmmmmm] and some candy. We then scurried over to the grandparents and woke my grandfather up to help us get the equipment. The equipment getting process took about twenty minutes [yes, my grandfather is slow] and we were off to Diljner's. On the way to his house, we had one of our award winning conversations...again:

Leaf "Would you have sex with Rosie O'Donald to cure cancer?"
Me "Um...gah...would you? cure cancer, like think of all the rolls and shit, but think of all the...."
Leaf "....No, dude, you can't ask me after I ask you...I'll give you my answer after you give me yours."
Me "Alright, well.... she's fucking disgusting for one thing."
Leaf [Starts chuckling like he always does]
Me "She looks like a beached whale..."
Leaf "She's a cooooooooooooooow..."
Me "Um...well, and she's a lesbian too, like she's a super dyke, she got fucking married..."
Leaf "To a girl..."
Me "To a girl....ugh....well, I mean, well, but it's to cure cancer, right?"
Leaf "Uh huh."
Me "So I have to suffe- for how long, would this be a quickie?
Leaf "One time dude."
Me "Wait, wait, wait, wait, could it be a quickie or does it have to be a looong drawn out process."
Leaf "Aboooout twenty minutes."
Me "Twenty minutes?!"
Leaf "Twenty minutes."
Me "Uggggghhhhh [Shivers in disgust]..........and I would cure, is this cancer forever?"
Leaf "Cancer ...forever..."
Me "Forever."
Leaf "Ever...and eva and eva..."
Me "Damn."
Leaf "Come on [Arrhythmia], don't be greedy."
Me "Ummm...."
Leaf "You can't be selfish with on something like this."
Me "No, I was talking about the stick." [I grinded it a second before on accident]
Leaf "Oh..."
Me "Okay, anyways..."
Leaf [Chuckles]
Me "Well, know what, I would endure twenty minutes or horrible, horrible, retched, fat cow sex..."
Leaf "Not if you close your eyes..."
Me "No, no, no, no, no,'s not even that, you have to feel her body...imagine that, you'd have to feel her body."
Leaf "And the kind of sounds too..."
Me "And you could hear [makes sucking, squishing noises]...and you like, there's so many rolls that you get like sucked under one......uggghhh." [Shivers again]
Leaf "See I would do it, just so I could get laid..."
Me "Are you serious?"
Leaf "And curing cancer, and cure cancer..."
Me "You would have sex with Rosie O'donald just for the hell of it?"
Leaf "Naw dude, to cure cancer, but uh, would you have sex with her to cure....crabs?"
Me "NO, fuck no." [Laughs] "Would you have sex with her to cure AIDS?"
[A brief pause]
Leaf "AIDS..." [Long pause] ", yea...."
Me "No, no, no, why? Give reasons though..."
Leaf "What do you mean? No, no no, fuck no...if you get AIDS, you deserve to get AIDS 'cause you got AIDS."
Me "What, what, okay what's your-"
Leaf "-Maybe-"
Me "-No, no, no, what if your mother had AIDS and you were born with AIDS because your mother had it."
Leaf "If I could only cure those people, then yea, I'd do it."
Me "Like, just the people who don't deserve it."
Leaf "Yeah!"
Me "So you would-"
Leaf "Then that'd cure a loooot of Afircans..."
Me "Af-ri-cans?"
Leaf "I don't really like Africans..."
Me [Makes weird noise]
Leaf "WHAT?!" [Laughs]
Me "Um,"
[Long pause]
Me "You don't like niggars or you don't like Africans...?"
Both [Laugh]

This conversation ends and Leaf tells me this...

Leaf "So I almost got beat up for being a racist by some Mexicans."
Me "Why?"
Leaf "Well, because, um, I mumbled something about 'this is why I don't watch fuckin' Mexican movies 'cause they're fuckin' stupid,' [I begin to laugh] and then, this chick named Vanessa, she was 'what? What did you say?' and I was like 'I didn't say that...' and then she goes over to her friends next door, and said 'did you hear him? He said he don't like Mexican girls 'cause we're stupid!' [I'm laughing my ass off] And I was like "' didn't say that! I didn't say that!' and they were going to beat my ass, I'm not even lying..."

After this was said, we arrived at Diljner's and went off to go fishing. We drove around for like two minutes, went off to some side road where some houses are being built, and then traspassed to go in to a local canal. We were fishing for a little bit, we didn't catch jack shit, but we had fun. My hands were freezing [fuck you poor blood circulation] and I didn't think it was too bright of me to go out there with a jacket that doesn't form any sort of protection with only a t-shirt on underneath. Then we all talked about our fun times. It was great just having Diljner, Ms. Sarcasm, Leaf, and me all out there hangin' out like the good 'ol times. I can guarantee we'll traspass again just to have another time like that.


Blogger BloodDrain said...

Hahaha...funny shit. Dude, you were in LA last night? Damn, I was like an hour and a half away but if I would've been at my aunt's I would've been like half an hour. lol. Anyhow this post almost made me piss my pants!!!Almost. It's Lindsay b-day today!!! Hooray for that lucky legal biotch!

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well.. i thought i was racist.. haha umm anyways seem like u had a pretty interesting day like always huh? haha

1:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yea that's right it is my birthday!!! woot woot for me nigga!!! can somebody say LAPDANCE! haha mk mk wow dan... it sounded like one of those picture perfect leave it to beaver cherished moments... kinda creepy but cute at the same time! well... keep up the awesome possume work boys! you always make me laugh my arse off!

3:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. Sarcasm here...

We did have a great time, huh? You really should have stayed in town and had Thanksgiving with all of us at my house, it was awesome...

You also need to come mini-golfin' with us like we did yesterday (referring to Josh and Ant) both of those bastards got a hole-in-one two times. Good stuff.

Keep em' comin..

(insert love and huggin')

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who wants to have sex with Rosie quick raise your hand!!!

1:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who wants to have sex with Rosie quick raise your hand!!!


1:22 AM  

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